" The only thing more frightening than hearing the things that go (bump) in the night is SEEING the things that go (bump) in the night. "



" Life is never what it seems: Believe nothing you hear and half what you see.. "



" People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. "


" The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. They are only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. "



" If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up? "



" It's because we're so trapped in our culture, in the being of being human on this planet with the brains we have, and the same two arms and legs everybody has. We're so trapped that any way we could imagine to escape would be just another part of the trap. Anything we want, we're trained to want. "



" You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. "




" The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. "




" I wanted to write about the moment when your addictions no longer hide the truth from you. When your whole life breaks down. That's the moment when you have to somehow choose what your life is going to be about. "



" If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. "



" What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can't decipher. What we can't understand we call nonsense. What we can't read we call gibberish. There is no free will. There are no variables. There is only the inevitable. "



" I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching. "


" If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. "


" If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. "


" Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. "



" Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing."



" I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" "



" I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe. "


" Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out. "


" Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. "


" I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. "


" I can stand the things I know; it's what I don't know that frightens me. "

" Fear is only an illusion. It is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness- the false sense of isolation that exists only in our imagination. "

" Don't compromise yourself; you're all you've got. "


" We're only as sick as the secrets we keep... "